Friday, April 22, 2016

The Colour of Reign

Lemmy: David?

Bowie: No, you can't borrow one of mine. I don't know why you bother with those things now. You cannot get any higher than we are this very minute.

Lemmy: No, no... That's not what I'm talking about, but fuck you anyways. With a spoon.

Rickman: I heard that! Fer Christ's sake... am I doomed to hear that infernal joke for all eternity?

Lemmy: *chuckling* Seriously, it's just too easy.

Bowie: What's on your mind?

Lemmy: Have you noticed there's not much color up here? You've got a cream colored suit with an off-white shirt, but I had to fight tooth and nine-inch nail to get this badassed black vest, but now I look like Han Solo with a white confederate cowboy hat. It looks fucking stupid.

Bowie: Hey, I'm not crazy about these creamy pastels either, but what can we do? We're dead until the next incarnation. I hope I come back as a woman.

Lemmy: No matter what I come back as, I still won't date ya. Stop changing the subject!

Bowie: Speak your mind, man.

Lemmy: I spotted this guy the other day. New guy, fresh off the boat.

Bowie: Oh? I hadn't checked the roster. Who is it?

Rickman: Guy? Have you seen this? I have never seen it rain here, much less in color!

Lemmy: *ignoring* Not sure, but I can tell he's going to be trouble.

Bowie: Trouble? Up here? Lemmy, my friend, if the gates opened for the likes of you, how much trouble could this new guy be? Who is he?

Lemmy: You'll know him when you see him. For all your star power, this guy somehow snuck in with a reddish beret and a purple-sequined jacket. How did he get away with that?

Bowie: Oh.

Lemmy: Oh? Oh what?

Bowie: Oh. My. *sigh* Unlike life, this will be a party that is meant to last. A strong spirit does indeed transcend the rules.

Original piece written by JD Hickey
April 2016 (first piece written in January 2016)

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

The Quantum Nature of Linguine

Right now, in the city of Montreal, there's a guy who thinks there is some kind of loony who breaks into cars, drops off doggie bags of food, rearranges the contents of the car, steals nothing, and walks away. Let me explain.

To celebrate the end of my ASL class, we went out for a meal at Pizzadelic. It was too much food for me to eat, so I took some of it to go. I got to my car, placed my food on the passenger seat, and noticed a bag with shoes. "Ah! Jessica must've forgotten her bag!" I picked it up, locked the door, and ran down the street. Jessica was long gone.

So I returned to the car, but I couldn't open the door. That's when I realized that this Matrix was not my car. The owner of this car must've left the driver door unlocked, which is why I was able to get into it in the first place. But now the door was locked, my food was stuck inside, and I had a bag of shoes in my hand. I was stymied.

I tried the other doors, but they were all locked. Fortunately, the trunk was open, so I slid the bag of shoes into the back seat. Then I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do next. I could've climbed into the car to unlock the other doors and get to my food, but what if the guy showed up? He would never believe me. So I went to my actual car and started writing a note, but when I got back to his spot, his Matrix was gone.

I'm sure that guy is at home, staring at the ceiling, and wondering who broke into his car, left a container of linguine with a bruschetta on top of it, re-locked all the doors, and walked away.

It must be driving him bonkers.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Republican Speech 2016

Right off the bat, let me say that I am not an American: I am definitely Canadian. However, the results of the American Presidential race would definitely affect me, so I do have a vested interest in what happens, even though I get no say in the matter.

Being a witness to the degradation of the American political climate over the last 8 years, I have formed opinions on what has gone wrong. Now faced with the very real possibility that Mr. Trump may lead the Republican party, I think the GOP must face the fact that they created this monster that is now rampaging across their constituents.

The only way they could regain the faith of the people now would be to come completely clean and own their mistakes in a public way. They would need the high-profile Republicans to make and stand by a very public statement of what they did and how we got here, someone like John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, or Chris Christie.

This representative would need to get in front of a camera, deliver the following speech, broadcast it far and wide, and live with the consequences.

Fortunately, I written them this speech and in the interests of preserving World Peace, I offer it them free of charge (although I would love to be invited to the White House to tell stories as Canada's Storytelling Ambassador, just sayin').
*deep breath*
Do not vote for Donald Trump. He is a fate you do not deserve. Do not vote Republican in this election. This is a fate we deserve. We did this.
Roughly 8 years ago, we were faced with a reality of which we could not conceive. For our Republican ideas to work, we came at our policies from a top-down perspective. It was Republicans over Democrats, Good over Evil, Right over Wrong, Men over Women, Whites over everyone else, and with us at the top and all the voters at the bottom.
But when Barack Hussein Obama became President, our comfortable world turned upside down. The Bottom was now the Top. This was unprecedented and we had nothing in our playbook to handle it. Obama's left-wing plans and liberal vision of equality would destroy everything we had understood to be true and right. In hindsight, our fears caused us to gravely over-react. 
We decided that we would reject this model outright. We decided that we would reject anything from this President because his very existence was a rejection of our reality. This type of man could not be President, and therefore, his word could not be law.
The only way we could make this work was if all Republicans were on-board with it. Sure, there were rebels here and there, and there were people who could not keep the edges of the plan secret, but by and large, the plan worked. The problem was that it worked too well.
To create and sustain this situation, we had to reveal the ugly underbelly of American culture and stoke its fires. We had to rile the people up, we had to amplify their fears, we had to raise the threat levels. This would encourage the people to perpetuate the message that Obama was a mistake, an insult to the natural order of the world, and that he was an abomination that needed to be stopped. Once Obama was removed, we could flip the beast back over again and get back to making the country work in the way we had become accustomed.
What we could not have known was how hot those first would burn, and not only could the beast not be flipped back over, but that the beast could be turned against us. This is where Donald Trump stepped in.
Mr. Trump has been watching this maelstrom that we created for the past 7 years. He could see the chaos we were engineering and he has the insight and the vision to see how he could step into that chaos and use it to his advantage. When the moment was right, he stepped into our playing field and took control of it. He added fuel to the fires we had stoked, he used our own rhetoric against us, and he refused to toe the Republican line. He is a wildcard that we cannot control because he owes no allegiance to anyone except himself.
Mr. Trump is not a fool. If he were a fool, he could not be the successful businessman that he is today. His strength comes from his ability to spot an opportunity, commit to pursuing that opportunity, and do everything in his power to make it work to his advantage. These are qualities that make for rich businessmen, but the collateral damage to the people around these men can be devastating, extensive, and irreversible. 
The main aspect that has made him palatable to a modern audience is that he purports to tell the truth, to "tell it like it is". In the political arena, we cannot always be 100% transparent, but we do need to balance our plans with the public's right to know. However, in this failed strategy we adopted in 2008, we lost sight of our responsibilities to the American people. Over time, these lies became more and more difficult to maintain to the point that we have lost all credibility with our voters. After so many years of double-talk, having a non-politician promise to tell you the hard truth heedless of any political consequences is intoxicating.
But now the situation has grown beyond our control. We created this Gollum and it is rampaging out of control, highlighting our failures and promising more destruction than we could have imagined. And we are the one who did this to ourselves and to you, the American people.
We took these actions from a place of patriotism. We did it because we were dedicated to the continuation of Republican American idealism and exceptionalism. Our critics may not believe this, but we also did this out of love for our families, our friends, our God, and our country. And now, we are still speaking from this place of love, even though it kills us to have to admit our wrong-doing.
For what we just did for the last 8 years, we deserve to lose this election. If you want to put another Democrat in the White House, we deserve that decision. To watch the GOP be destroyed in the next election is definitely what we deserve as justice for our actions.
But to elect Donald Trump as your Commander In Chief, this is a fate that you do not deserve. Your anger and frustration is a result of our actions and inactions over the last 8 years, but the destruction that Trump would bring to America is a fate that you do not deserve. This man is not a Republican. This man owes the American people nothing. This man is not the fate you deserve.
We did this to you. We did it. Do not destroy yourselves to punish us for what we did. Put a Democrat in the White House. Give us time to regroup and put ourselves back on the right track.
Do not vote for Donald Trump.
The American Republican Party 2016 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Week of Death in 2016

Rickman: Hey David
Bowie: Alan? You too? What took you down?
Rickman: Cancer. You?
Bowie: Me too. Fuck Cancer.
Rickman: Fuck Cancer. With a spoon.
Lemmy: Fuck Cancer!
Rickman: Who's that guy?
Lemmy: I thought this was the rock star section. They let just anyone in here?
Bowie: Apparently. I'm been searching for Crosby, but I haven't had much luck.
Lemmy: David Crosby's dead too?!?
Bowie: No, no... Bing Crosby. Before your time. Before my time, really, if truth be told.
Rickman: I can play the cello...
Lemmy: No you can't. You're an actor. You can act like you play the cello. I saw Truly, Madly, Deeply wise-ass.
Rickman: ... Asshole.
Bowie: So what do we do now?
Lemmy: We could jam. Maybe actor-boy could learn how to play the spoons.
Angelil: Salut les boys.
Rickman: Who the fuck are you?
Angelil: Calisse... I'm Rene. If there's one thing I knew how to do in the old life is spot talent early on, and I mean *early* on. Stick with me les gars and we will rock this place.

Original piece written by JD Hickey
January 2016

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Memories of Dad

With all this horribleness going on, it's time for some beauty. At least, it's a memory that makes me smile.

My Dad was a master builder. He could make just about anything. He extended and renovated the house, practically rebuilt the cottage, and fixed everything else.

When my parents bought the cottage, it was in a sorry state and needed lots of repair. I have memories of tearing down the back wall, and ripping the black tiles off the roof, and fending off the black flies of June as best as we could. Dad made plans, did the math, measured everything, checked it all, measured it again, then made the cuts.

But for some reason, there was a 2-inch gap between the window over the sink and the edge of the cupboard. Dad could not believe it. He checked all his measurements. That 2-inch gap should not have existed, and yet, there it was. It infuriated him.

When I'd be doing the dishes and he'd come out of the bathroom, walking behind me, I'd tease him saying "Hey Dad... check this out," and then run my fingers along the 2-inch gap. He'd growl at me "You think you're so funny."

The cottage was warm, inviting, and welcomed many people from all over. Although we don't have the cottage anymore, it is one of my favorite happy places that I go to in my mind during times of strife.

Thursday, August 20, 2015


Eyes I've not seen
    Divided by miles
    Separated by borders
        Connected by computer screens

Lands I've not seen
    The winds sing their earthen song
    Joined by a rumbling mountain beat
        The ocean's skin, a flowing sheen

Colors I've not seen
    Birth, life, death, rebirth, relive
    She takes his hand, the wheel turns
        Our magic, so powerful it seems


The winds thunder
The thunder rumbles
The rain tumbles
    And I stand, lost in the maelstrom
    Eyes on the horizon
    Slowly, I walk my path

Colors fill the sky, puppets dance
Her breath gives life and I hold on
A child again, laughing, playing
    I feel you pulling me closer
    Embracing, loving, releasing

Friends come, friends go
All leave their marks
Carvings in bark
    I was here... Where were you? --1992
    That was a year that ended in tears
    When roses returned blanketed by snow
        And I bid you goodbye
        Eyes on the horizon
        Darkest before the dawn
            Phoenix reborn, bring back the sun

Night Cries

The golden streets
    tainted by the city lights
    are white-washed by her broken face
    her tears rain in
        invisible streams
        indivisible dreams
across the glistening boulevard

A beauty
    admired but never captured
    Just beyond reach of her children
    her children of the night
        the homeless
            the heartless
                the hopeless
                      the inhabitants of that

Blamed for long walks
    Loved for its' bright light
Blamed for long talks
    Loved for the warm night

Gregorian chant
Hoods and robes rustle
Pay tribute to her mystery
    her magic
    to her

She wears her mantle with
    practiced ease
She looks down
    not hiding her scars

A mute orb of indifference
    tears that rain in
        invisible streams
        indivisible dreams
across the glistening boulevard

Copyright 1993 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Once and Again

Once and Again

The Rain lashes at walls of my home
    and I drink the fruits of its labours

The Snow absorbs every space, nook, and cranny
    and I bundle myself up against the storm

The Wind rattles the panes, shattering the silence
    and I lean hard against the glass, absorbing the blows

The Sun's rays flatten all that falls beneath
    yet I can seek shelter in the shadows he casts

And when I cannot brace against the storm
    I have only to reach within my soul
    to find the seed that you planted once and again
        drawing strength from its roots
        rooting my strength into earth
            strengthening my place in your world
            strengthening your place in my world

Come the harvest, seeds abound
    and I will plant them in you once and again
        as the Rain lashes the walls of your home
        as the Snow absorbs every space, nook, and cranny
        as the Wind rattles the panes, shattering the silence
        as the Sun's rays flatten all that falls beneath

Breathe the cool air that comes with rebirth
And I will be there, planting a seed

Just as you did for me
        and again

Copyright 2003 -- John David Hickey



When the morning sun rises
snow-seized grasses shiver in the light
The rays pierce the drifting night
    Catching your eyes
    Warming your skin

I watch you sleep
The cares of the world dance
Beyond your reach

But even as I reach for you
Gently, timidly, lovingly
I cannot reach, breech, or pierce
    The walls around your heart
    The roads to your soul

Ashamed, I withdraw my reach
I pull into myself, afraid to cry out
As ghosts hover and mock my fear

Even the morning sun recedes
The grasses cry out as I cry in
The light in the sky
The light in your eyes
    Nourishes us
    Makes us whole

But as the darkness deepens
Your eyes open, sparkling, dancing
Your sleepy smile welcomes me back

The morning sun fills the room
The cares of the world dance
Beyond your reach
    But I reach for you
    Our eyes sparkle
        And we dance
        Lost in our smiles

Copyright 2003 - John David Hickey
Copyright© 2010 John David Hickey